


We are so fragile - We are just breakable girls and boys

by allxthexwords



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 10:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allxthexwords/pseuds/allxthexwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in Shepard’s cabin, post-ME2 and pre-ME3. Unable to sleep, Shepard watches over her lover while he struggles to breathe. Secretly longing desperately for a pair of lungs to come through for Thane, Shepard wonders to what lengths she would go to take care of him and keep him by her side. </p>
<p>Rated: T - 972 words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We are so fragile - We are just breakable girls and boys

Lying awake in her bed, Shepard watched the stars soar past as the Normandy flew onwards, towards their next destination, while listening to the quiet rasp of Thane’s body beginning to struggle for breath. Air went into his lungs with the hint of a strain, there was a pause, and the air was shakily exhaled. It went on in this pattern, again and again, while she kept steady guard over his body. Her head rested on a pillow beside his, their hands entwined. She used to sleep with her head on his shoulder, but as she watched the disease progress, she didn’t want to become another burden on his lungs, further weight pressing down on him and making it difficult to breathe. 

She listened, and watched; for how could she sleep while not knowing if this moment would be the last? How could she sleep when she was afraid that every breath may be his last? If the pause between breaths was too long, she would turn her head from the stars and gaze intently at his chest, waiting with her own breath held until his chest rose or fell once more, and she could relax.

After defeating the Collectors side by side, they had decided that Thane would undergo the lung replacement he had previously refused. Or, more accurately, she had begged and pleaded with him to change his mind about the procedure, tears falling down her cheeks like rain steadily sliding down a windowpane at the thought of having to be in this universe without him by her side. Seeing her distress Thane had agreed, wrapping her up in his arms, holding her tight to him as he tried to soothe the plausible fears lingering in her heart and mind.

Listening to the somewhat steady inhales and exhales of her lover’s breath, Shepard wondered if it was maybe just a little bit wrong to wish so desperately that some other drell would pass away in such a manner that would keep their lungs salvageable for Thane. This other drell that needed to die, for Thane to have a little more time, would have people who cared for them as well. By ardently desiring for lungs to become available for her lover, she was wishing for death to wrap its cold embrace about someone else. There would be those who would mourn the drell that needed to die, just as surely as she would mourn Thane. Every second of every day she was hoping that someone else would die so Thane could live. 

Shepard had a feeling that if Thane knew how eagerly she longed for the death of another faceless, nameless drell, he would’ve half-heartedly scolded her. She did her best to preserve life, to keep from killing needlessly; but here she was selfishly longing with her every fibre that someone else would die for her happiness to continue. 

She knew how to take a life. She may not have been as skilled as Thane, but she knew the vulnerable points on a body, where to shoot or strike to land the deathblow. It was rather simple, especially on an unprotected, unsuspecting body. She could go through the mechanics of it in her head, some of the moves performed simply by muscle memory without a second thought. 

Sometimes, lying awake in the dark, the only source of light a soft gleaming blue from her aquarium, she wondered what lengths she would go to in order to keep him by her side. If given the choice, would she have readily stolen the life from some other drell to give those precious lungs to Thane? If she did such a thing, would he ever forgive her for it? Even if he wouldn’t, would it still be worth it just to know that he still lived, that Thane would see another day? Thankfully, Shepard doubted she would ever have to find out the answer to those questions. Drell were extremely rare to come by outside of Kahje; the only three she had ever encountered were Thane and his son, Kolyat, who she would never dream of harming, and Liara’s friend Feron. While she had rescued Feron from the Shadow Broker with Liara, that didn’t repay the debt she owed him for helping steal back her body and allowing himself to be caught so Liara could escape and hand her over to Cerberus. 

So, since she couldn’t procure him a pair of suitable lungs herself, she had done all that she could to accommodate his needs. She had turned the humidity down in her room, not caring that she would have to drink a little more water and keep her skin a little more moisturized. She took colder showers, wary of creating too much steam. She had turned up the temperature of the cabin they shared, and if she had to wear a few less layers to compensate, Thane certainly hadn’t been complaining. But there was only so much she could do.

In a normal fight, she could beat any enemy the galaxy decided to throw at her. She could use her guns, biotics, or even hand-to-hand combat to overcome any foe. She had trained, prepared and had years of instinctual experience behind her to aid in any fight. She knew how to win, and hated to lose. But with Kepral’s Syndrome, Shepard was at a loss. This was one enemy she couldn’t fight off, no matter how much she wanted to. She was helpless to watch Thane’s body slowly betray him, and helplessness wasn’t something she was accustomed to feeling. So she watched over him, and kept him close, all the while hoping that a match for Thane would be found. And if that meant she was a little more sleep deprived, then she would just have to drink a bit more coffee.


End file.
